All you need to know before moving in together
So you’ve been dating for a while and you’re considering moving in together. You’re getting butterflies in your stomach thinking about how you’ll be able to love up on your partner without the constraints of time and distance. It seems like the perfect thing to do because you are head-over-heels in love and think this is the next big step for the relationship.
My Experience Moving In with My Significant Other
Yep, I have been there and I recall the journey well. See, things happened quickly in my current relationship. One day we were simply just taking walks on campus, getting to know each other and before I knew it, we were spending most- if not all of our nights together cuddled on a small bed in a dorm room. At this point things were pretty blissful because there was always the safety net of simply going to our separate rooms any time we needed space. Fooled by the guise that living together would be easy since we loved spending time together and had so much in common, we moved in together without even making any severe assessment in a very short space of time.
That was when we both realized that maybe we should have thought the whole thing through. Now, many couples move in together and get it right on the first go, but things were indeed very rocky on our side. I mean, you think you know a guy! The Jamaican saying “see mi and live wid me a two different smtn” is an indisputable fact. I quickly realized that even though we were unmarried, we faced all the troubles of a married couple and still a dating couple. So there are the issues of time spent together, finances, friends, ex-partners, chores, upcoming expenditure and even sex.
We were grossly unprepared. I wish I could say the most significant problems came from leaving socks in the hallway or leaving the toilet seat up, but we had to face some real “big man and ooman” tings that sometimes put a real strain on the bond. Nevertheless, with time, several arguments, lots of tough conversations, and learning how to effectively communicate, we began to get a real handle on things. But, if I had to advise any of my fellow 20 somethings about taking this big step, I’d say, make sure you are ready.
Signs That You Are Ready To Move in Together
You Have Already Survived A Big Fight
Being able to bounce back from a huge disagreement is essential in knowing if you are ready to leap or not. We were very much still in the puppy love phase when I first moved in with my partner so small things seemed more significant than they were.
You and You’re Partner Communicate Well
This is not about whether you are constantly talking or texting but are you able to effectively express your feelings and emotions to your partner in such a way that they are able to interpret and grasp how certain things affect you and they are able and willing to adjust accordingly.
You are Prepared to Deal With the Home Version of Your Partner
Some people are entirely different in social situations than they are at home. So while you spend time on dates or possibly a few nights together when you are both still watching your Ps and Qs when you live together, that’s when you see the most authentic version of your partner. My boyfriend and I found that out in a rather difficult way because we both like to be in our little space doing things separately at home. At first it was often misinterpreted as avoidance but we realized we just enjoyed spending time alone, together. So while he plays games or reads the news, I watch lie in his lap and watch Netflix.
You are Open about Finances
Even though finances can be seen as a personal matter, it’s best you both have an understanding of each other’s money situation. Once this is not a difficult topic and there is transparency, you are probably ready for the next step.
You have Already Gone Through Some Form of Cohabitation.
It’s probably best to experience spending constant time with each other. A few weeks together before an official move might do some good if you think you are ready to merge your space. This allows you to get a feel of what it’s like to wake up with each other every day.
Things to Consider Before Moving in Together
So let’s say all the signs indicate that moving in together is a step in the right direction. But, then, there are few things you must consider and have a serious dialogue about. Without proper preparation, it could be a total emotional and, in many cases, financial disaster.
Why Are You Moving In Together
Is it for a financial reason? Yes, moving in together makes a lot of financial sense in some cases. There is the opportunity to split bills and reduce a lot of individual expenses, but because it makes financial sense, it does not make it the ideal reason. Consider if you are both willing and ready to make this step and if it will be the best thing for the relationship. Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.
How Will The Bills Be Covered
Well, isn’t this a timeless debate ? Different couples have different ways of managing the bills which is fair. There really is no wrong or right way to do this and it is truly dependent on the financial situation of the involved parties and what each individual is willing to accept. Our relationship is very flexible based on financial targets or upcoming expenditures.
Manage Expectations
There must be a very open conversation about the expectation of each individual going into the move. Talk about whether or not marriage is something to be expected in the future or is this the endgame? What habits are expected to change after we move in? Will you have to cut back on the hours spent with friends? How frequently can there be visitors? Should you wait up for your partner when they stay out late? And while these things seem trivial, things fall apart quickly without a proper understanding of your partner's expectations.
How Will Chores Be Handled
Yes, this is important. It can be as simple as cleaning your own messes or a complex and rigid chart outlining when, how and who will handle what. I hate doing dishes and dealing with the full length of laundry day but my boyfriend can barely ever handle fixing the bedroom to my standard and I make some meals better than him (all meals, really but I let him try). So it truly also depends on your own situation. This is the 21st century.
Have an Exit Strategy
Break-ups can be difficult and if it happens you each must be able to walk away seamlessly. This could look like ensuring you will be in a good financial situation without your partner, understanding what belongings are valued by each individual and figuring out who will keep what.
This conversation can be difficult and understandably so. It is hard to talk about the a breakup while considering this big step, but it is imperative because you won’t want to have too many other things stressing you out on top of the possible heartbreak.
Taking this step can be a very nerve-wracking experience, but it can be a wonderful experience if managed correctly. Personally, it is difficult not to wake up beside my partner at this point! I genuinely hope this will be helpful to person’s who have been contemplating the next step!
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Love, love, love this!!!!! Very informative & easy to understand! Keep up the good work hun! Looking forward for more.
Very informative, a lot of us didn’t think of these before moving in together and though it’s too late for some who’ve already gone ahead and moved in without learning these important facts we can still use these ideas along the way , but for those who haven’t done so yet this will help a lot . Keep them contact girl❤️❤️❤️
Was definitely a great read ‼️. I know this will shed some light on someone who thought they were ready for the move but really isn’t.
Listennnnnnnn me ready long time then🥰🥰
This was such a great read. I definitely have some perspective about the move in.
Love love love the read. I learn a lot, Even that I am not ready to move in with my husband as yet. Yow, you gawn a lead mi friend
Such a well written post! Thank you for your transparency… I will be saving this post for later 😉 PS: y’all are mad cute! 😍😍
This article was very enlightening. As someone who is considering possibly moving in with my partner, it was a relief to know that the things I was concerned about are valid and also, the things I thought were indicative of the decision being a good one, are highlighted here as well! Awesome read.
I love how open and authentic your blog posts are. Moving in together can be so scary, especially if your partner lived there before you. I love reading your blogs... It really helps me to put things into perspective. Look forward to next one!
This was a good read. Very informative.
So candid, so refreshing. So beautiful and transparent. Thank you, Queen 👑
Also very true after moving in together there is an adjustment period but after that, it makes the relationship stronger.
I am actually the better chef I just see that you love cooking so much but now I have to defend myself from this slander! lol