Welcome to your twenties, where you’re an adult and fully allowed to do all the grown-up stuff but somehow still feel guilty doing half of them. Among those adult things that can sometimes feel criminal are dating and sex. Well, let’s be real here, it only feels illegal when it comes to talking to our parents about it – especially for the first time. We won’t be discussing sex in this post because of course; we must take it a step at a time. So, let’s start with breaking the news to your parents that you’re in a relationship.

If you have been keeping up with the blog, then you know that topics such as this one usually includes a few details about my experience. Growing up in my household we never really had very open conversations about dating. We heard several horror stories of love gone bad and sinking relationships as well as cautionary tales that left a clear message “Don’t Get into Relationships Until You Are Prepared”. This is actually some solid advice. However, for many of us, especially in Caribbean households, that preparedness is usually attached to a particular age (somewhere in our twenties). No one explicitly stated to me what the best time for it was. Therefore, I was doing a lot of hiding and sneaking around when I had my first boyfriend. (My mom is probably so tired of finding these things through my blog posts).

Naturally, back then, I was not really thinking about marrying the person, it was definitely not that deep, so I never thought it made sense to upset my parents with any kind of premature announcements. Funny enough, in my head I had done some weird calculation. I wanted to be married by age 25 so if I didn’t start dating way before then, I would not have the sensibilities for the real deal. And sure enough, I met someone, and things certainly got real.

I mulled over how I was going to introduce this person to my mother as my actual partner. I had never done it before, nor have I ever seen it done before. I was extremely nervous, but it had to be done. So, if you’re in your twenties and you are currently at this juncture then the following is as much assistance I can provide from my own experience.

Step 1) Demonstrate that You are Ready for A Relationship

You must be able to show your parents that you are responsible enough to date. It cannot just be something you think you’re ready for because all your friends are in relationships. Your parents have been there and done that, so they know what comes with being in serious relationship and they really need for you to actually be prepared.

Step 2) Understand that the Conversation Can Go Anyway

We cannot predict how our parents will react. But in any case, remember it’s not an argument, it’s a conversation. Remain open to their point of view. Be calm and talk. You may even have to negotiate. They just want the best for you.

Step 3) Start Dropping Hints

I remember calling my mother and constantly talking about my very awesome ‘friend’ who was a guy. A guy I really liked. I’d share a few details about the time we were spending together. I’m not sure if it made a difference to her when she was made aware that we were actually together, but it made it easier for me to tell her.

Step 4) Choose The Right Place and Time

We know our parents well. We want to have this conversation when they are in the best mood. You want to also ensure you do it in the best place, somewhere you are both comfortable.

Step 5) Figure Out Exactly What You want to Say

It’s best to have a few words prepared so that you can articulate yourself well especially since it is quite a nerve-wracking conversation. I’d suggest that you choose your words wisely. Give some details about your partner and his family here as well.

Step 6) Be Open and Honest

Your parents will have questions. It is imperative that you are open an honest in your responses.

Step 7) Suggest A Little Meeting In the Future

Be open to having your partner and parents meet and having a conversation. This may not be right away and would also depend on how the initial conversation goes. But in the spirit of transparency, let them know that you would be fine with it.

Shout out to my wonderful subscriber who suggested this topic!

Feel free to share your experience telling your parents you're in a relationship or dating for the first time in the comments section