Hey Readers! So much has happened in the last few weeks, and I have lots to talk about! See, that’s what I love most about life and this platform. I can shamelessly bring my real experiences here in the hopes that you can relate or even advise and I can help you not feel lonely on your journey.

With that being said, let’s get into the real tea. Before I go any further though - a quick disclaimer. If there are any parents of twenty somethings reading this, please understand that we are forever grateful and it’s all love. Still, it would be remiss of me never to discuss the relationship with parents as we navigate these 20 somethings. In fact, this might be one of the most important posts on this blog.

As children, our parents were everything to us. They provided for all our basic needs and we relied wholeheartedly on them for motivation, guidance and advice. For some of us, most, if not all our steps were based on their instructions (possibly leading up to the end of tertiary school or the very early twenties) and that was perfectly okay. . .at that time.

But then, here we are in the midst of our twenty-somethings, realizing that the relationship we shared with our parents is changing and this shift can be challenging for both parties. See, our 20s is characteristically a time of change, growth, confusion, struggle, and triumph. This journey is quite personal. We want to find ourselves and make our mistakes, figure things out and be in control of our own lives and sometimes it just might not look like what our parents had in mind for us and all of this makes it very difficult for parents and their 20 somethings to see eye-to-eye. (Let the church say Amen)

Don’t get me wrong; our parents only want the best for us. Trust me, that’s genuinely all it is. But it can still be difficult for us to digest all the (at times unsolicited) commentary when we think we know what’s best for ourselves. (Don’t we after all??) This dilemma is further exacerbated by the fact that somehow we feel like we cannot truly express our real feelings or thoughts to our them effectively without it becoming an argument or thought of as ungrateful.

We Want Our Parents To Hear Us

Sometimes it feels like our parents can’t hear us. I know I’m not the only one here because I’ve had this conversation several times with some of my friends. We want to talk to you (parents) sometimes just to vent to a loving, non-judgmental ear. Unfortunately, most times, the whole thing backfires because - of course, it feels like there is a whole lot of judgment, especially in Caribbean households. To take it even further, when we talk to our parents, we are not always seeking advice. Indeed, their advice is coming from a place of love, but we actually just wanted someone to listen. The twenties can become extremely stressful- from balancing work, school, social life and everything else, and a listening ear is sometimes all we need. Sadly, this can be a significant factor in why many twenty-somethings never call or move back home, often visit or barely open up. It would seem this is one of the main challenges that plague the relationship we have with our parents in our twenties and understandably so. It’s all super frustrating, but we too must understand that they have been giving us guidance for most of our lives, and it might be a little difficult for them to stop.

But to be a bit frank, when we want your advice or opinion on anything that we are going through, we’ll ask.

Please Accept Where We Are On Our Journey

Among all things that put pressure on the relationship we have with our parents is the gnawing feeling that we are not quite doing enough or that we are not where we should be at this time in our lives. I believe we (twenty-somethings) get this impression from the many questions that our parents or even extended family members continuously ask us every chance they get.

1. When are you finishing school?
2. What are your plans after graduation?
3. When are you getting married?
4. Are you gaining/losing weight?
5. Are you sure you know what you’re doing?
6. Why don’t you call more?

Like my gosh, I’m fighting for my life here! We are literally doing the best we can, and sometimes we will make errors, but that’s fine. Many times as we attempt to answer these questions or anticipate them being asked, we (and in this case, me for sure) stress ourselves out unnecessary to ensure that I am always able to provide the right/ more appealing responses.

The days of hand-holding are behind us. At this point, it’s about trusting that you have given us all that we need and raised us to make the best decisions for ourselves. We worry enough about how our lives will turn out - accept where we are without the interrogation.

We Are Not The Same

I mean, I am my mother’s child, but we are not the same person. We won’t do things the very same way. We have been raised in entirely different times and many various factors have shaped our outlook on things. What this means is, all that has worked for out parents back in their twenties may not apply to our lives in our twenties.

The financial and social climate has drastically changed over time. We have different struggles to contend with right now, especially in the age of social media and some more advanced technology. So forgive us if things don’t work out for us the way they did for you (our parents) in your time.

There are Somethings We Still Want to Hear from Our Parents

While it may seem like we desperately want our freedom as we navigate these twenty-somethings, there are still things that we constantly need from our parents.

We want to hear that our parents are proud of us. Simple. We are already so anxious and bombarded by several images of other age-mates who seemingly have it all together or even our thoughts making us feel inadequate. We want our efforts to be acknowledged. Help us cope with not having everything figured out and let us know that that’s okay. It’s the reassurance that we crave now more than anything. Be there for us during our heartbreaks and rejections - but in a comforting way, not one that further underscores the feeling of failure. Just say you understand.

Understand our dreams and our passions. Respect our decisions.

Above all things, let us know you still love us-

just the way we are.

As we Advance

During our 20s, we learn a lot about our parents because we can see them as human beings and they start to see us as adults. Depending on your background, cause every family is different, it may take a copious amount of time and communication to get on the same footing with our parents, but the effort will be worth it. I know I face my fair share of challenges with my mom. There are days when I feel like she gets it and on other days, I feel like we are back at square one. We keep trying though. But we must speak up for ourselves (no, not back answer), but we have to try to be as open as possible with our parents about the type of relationship we want with them. They cannot know how we feel unless we tell them. . .so let’s try that as we navigate these 20 somethings.