Ever thought about all you actually know about your parents’ younger life and think to yourself, how did they do it? Well so have I.

Prior to having a real reasoning with my mother about her experiences as a twenty-something growing up in Jamaica, all I knew was that by 25/26 she already had a child, a husband, a house and was successfully navigating her big woman life.

I usually question her savvy to myself in moments when I feel like just throwing in the towel cause my life just doesn’t seem to have been mapped out as carefully as hers. So in a bid to get real inspiration from a subject who is willing to be completely candid about her life, I decided to ask my mother a few questions about her life in her 20s.

Her responses to my questions gave me a renewed perspective on life and I hope they touch you in some way too.

1. What was life like for you growing up?

“I grew up in the country”, she said. “Back then we were poor but I never really realized. I was just busy playing with my cousins, making dolls with grass hairs and glass bottles for bodies, not like the ones you have now in stores like Barbie.”

“My mother used to sell oranges, bananas, icy mint and other small items. Even though she didn’t have a lot I was still considered to be spoiled. I remember I used to change schools a lot because I would just cry and she would take me to a different one,” she expressed jokingly. “Living in the country was nice, but we moved to the city (Montego Bay) when I was about 11 years old.”

2. What was life like in the city?

“I never liked the city, where we lived had a lot of rocks and flat land but my mother moved in search for a better life and because my other older sisters and brothers were all moving there,” my mother said. “Her life never really changed, she still had to sell her goods.”

“At age 16 in Montego Bay was actually when I met your father for the first time. We didn’t immediately start dating or anything but we did take a liking towards each other. I went back to the country for a little while and then we met again around age 17. On this second occasion was when we started developing a relationship. Realizing that I was becoming a big girl and I wanted to improve my life, I did a cashier course to get a job. Back then a cashier was a respected job, not like now when no one ever wants to be a cashier. I didn’t stay at that job for too long before I decided I want to do something else. Your father paid for me to do a waitressing course and I did that for a little while. I was never fond of working for people so left that job too. ” I was just living my life until I got pregnant at age 21.”

3. How did life change for you between ages 20-25?

“Well like I said, I became pregnant with your older sister at age 21 so a lot changed for me quickly. Your father and I had responsibilities now. I moved from my stepfather's house to live with your daddy after I became pregnant. We saved and built furniture, some of which I still have today. We had all we needed. During that time, my only focus was taking care of my baby and building a home. That was my happiness. I enjoyed doing it. While I cannot speak for your father, he was happy then too. We just wanted to provide the best life for our children,” she said through a smile. “I mean people who look at a life like that now might not see it amazing but back then it was everything for me.” By age 26 I had you. I went on to do cosmetology and starting doing hair and beauty. I love it.”

4. While growing up, before you hit your twenties, did you daydream about what you wanted your life to be like by age 25?

“No actually,” she said confidently. “I never really did that and to be honest I don’t think that many persons back then were doing that either. AS children we used to just live and be taken care us, we never really saw a need to think heavily about that. As I started to get older I was just taking on life and its challenges as they come and dealing with them accordingly. I was more so focused on doing what makes me happy.”

“Honestly, I think that because we never had social media and tv and all the other influences, we were never very bothered by age and achievements. But now with all the sharing is why many people feel so pressured into needing this and wanting that,” she said.

5. Did you go through a mid-20’s crisis?

“No, I didn’t,” my mother said firmly. “I was doing what I loved and I had everything I truly needed. I was happy and even had a lot more than others at that time. I wasn’t thinking about all that can go wrong or what would happen if thing didn’t go my way. I felt like I would have been able to get over any obstacle so I took life day my day and didn’t overthink anything.”

“I have no regrets,” she said.

6. How do you feel about the way I live my life in this period vs how you lived?

“I mean, I think that you are very mature, I would say that you are a go-getter. You think about what you want and you go for it. You get to plan and then make your moves. That was something I didn’t have. I didn’t get time to calculate because my generation left home and went on their own sooner. I am proud of you because you get to try and make your life happy. While we go about it in different ways, there may not be much difference in the intention of how we live.”

7. What do you say to persons who now feel like the clock is ticking and they are yet to achieve anything?

“I would say to them just continue doing what you are doing and never give up. Everybody doesn’t achieve at the same pace. Look at the trees outside, all mango trees outside don’t blossom at the same time. SO this person might be successful right now and be doing great but yours can come in your 30s, 40s 50s. It doesn’t mean that you are not doing what you are supposed to do it just means it is not your time yet. So all you have to do is just continue on your journey, continue putting in the work and put your all into it because if you give up, then you won’t even achieve anything.”

Here’s my take. My mom lived a life that was perfect for her. She was never influenced by the external factors that a lot of us battle with today. At the crooks of here being, was a desire to build and maintain happiness. She had no rubric of assessing if she was failing because she had nothing to compare it to unlike us. It made me wonder, am I truly creating a life that is best for me or just continuously attempting to make my life something that seems desirable.

I can’t speak for anyone else but, I have for many years put a lot of pressure on things that would look great on paper but I haven’t really been sure of the value it would have to me.

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