As my 25th birthday approached, I found myself imagining what the day of my birth was like. For some reason, I am hung up on the idea that I was born on a Tuesday. A simple google search could eliminate the need for speculation but it’s far more entertaining to just make up every aspect of the story myself. I really don’t think there was anything spectacular about my birth. I mean, I don’t have one of those “she came out singing” stories. But I do believe that since that day, my family thought I was destined for great things. It was something they constantly told me growing up. I’ve also been reflecting on what I used to think my life would be like by age 25 growing up. It was certainly not supposed to be like this. I mean I’m nowhere close to buying the big house with the big yacht and swimming pools and a countless number of overseas trips. I’m still yet to do anything groundbreaking or see my name in lights. But what I do have, is an arsenal of experience navigating the hills and valleys of life. So I guess somewhere between childhood and my mid-twenties I traded in luxury for lessons. So, on this my 25th cycle around the sun, I’m sharing with you the 10 most important lessons I have learned growing up.

Lesson 1: Stay True to Yourself.

This lesson I learned after recognizing that trying to please everyone around me by becoming who I thought they needed me to be left me feeling really drained, unfulfilled and ridiculously unhappy. The moment I learned to walk in my truth, stand by my principles and be guided by the values that I hold dearly, was the day I began to find peace. Though this didn’t make me the most popular, it ultimately gave me the chance to become far more in tune with myself.

Lesson 2: Be Accountable

For me, accountability looks like having really tough conversations with myself in the mirror (most times while I am brushing my teeth in the mornings.) At first, I never truly understood the importance of accountability but as I got older it became increasingly difficult to ignore the simple fact that my lack of self-assessment or reflection on past actions, hindered me from making the necessary adjustments to progress in my purpose. It might sound a little dramatic but the truth is sometimes we are our own obstacles. And, until we are able to admit our mistakes to ourselves and find ways to correct them, absolutely nothing will change...or move... and we will just age but never grow.

Lesson 3: Surround Yourself with People Who Aren’t Afraid to Tell You the Truth

Let me admit here that I have been guilty of shying away from the ‘blunt’ or ‘honest’ friend. In the spirit of community, I’d like to think that many of us are guilty of this (Or is it really just me?) Nevertheless, I have come to realize that this friend is the most valuable player on your team. They’re the ones who help you with your accountability. And from the last lesson, we know that is one sure way to self-improvement. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about those ‘friends’ who mask their hate/ envy behind hurtful criticism that is meant to destroy your self-esteem. But the ones who genuinely have your best interest at heart and are always aiming to have constructive dialogue to ensure you always put your best foot forward. (If you are this friend then kudos to you)

Lesson 4: Take Nothing Personally

Never allow anyone’s thoughts, actions or attitudes affect how you see yourself or even how you view the world. Truth is, in most cases, people's reactions towards us are guided by their own self-interests and usually have no true bearing on who we truly are. People are always entitled to their feelings and opinions about you but we are also able to choose how we interpret their behavior and decide how we allow them to affect us. Personally, I aim to never let them bother me.

Lesson 5: It’s Okay to not Have it all Figured Out Yet

Let me just say it. We are all on the internet and seeing a copious number of posts about what exactly our lives should look like by a particular age. Whether these posts are from distant influencers or we are just scrolling by old schoolmates who seem to have a real grasp on adult life, - it impacts us in a kind of way that leaves us questioning whether we are doing enough. I’ve had my fair share of asking myself that question. But, these days every time I wonder if I am doing enough I instead ask myself – Am I doing my best? The reality is, there is no wrong or right way to take on life. Everybody’s journey will be different. So it is absolutely okay to take baby steps as you try to curate the life you want to live. You might not have it all together now, but everything falls into place eventually.

Lesson 6: You are Responsible for Your Own Happiness

If you are searching for happiness in a career, a person, a title or an extensive list of achievements, I can almost guarantee that you’ll be searching for a lifetime. While these things will bring you moments of joy, they are fleeting. Happiness is a state a mind. It is not something that is found in any one person or thing but instead, something that must be created.

Lesson 7: A Little Selfishness is a Good Thing

The real question here is why were we taught to never be selfish? Why was the concept vilified? Over the last few years I have come to realize that the idea of selfishness needs some serious redefining. We must appreciate that selfishness is not a black and white concept. Constantly giving without any break to look after your own needs and desires is not as fulfilling as it is always presented. As humans, we certainly need those moments where we only focus on making the best decisions for ourselves. Never beat yourself up about making moves that will ultimately only benefit you. Now I’m not proposing that we never look out for and take care of each other but the reality is, we cannot pour from empty cups.

Lesson 8: Things Are Never as Bad as they Seem – Harper Lee To Kill a Mocking Bird

Think back to a situation that you thought you’d never bounce back from. Aren’t you still standing? Exactly. You will of course go through some tough times but it doesn’t mean that life is bad. Most of the what we stress about probably won’t even matter in the next 24 hours much less a month later anyway. And if it won’t matter, then why stress about it and let it overwhelm you? Don’t overthink it, just move on.

Lesson 9: Parents Are People Too

I discovered this around age eighteen after the losing my father. While we were grieving, my mother would tell stories of their life together. Through that I saw for the first time were in fact just human beings. They have their own feelings, trauma, memories of life before us children and are actually not at all invincible. Because our parents shielded and protected us from so much, we just get to know them a parents but we really don’t know much about them as people. They, are just doing their best to keep everything together but they do it so gracefully that we were never alerted that behind those warm hugs and reassuring smiles and kisses were their own frustrations.

Lesson 10: Always Bet On Yourself

You never know how much you are really capable of, but you must believe you can do anything. Put yourself out there, especially in all the things that seem most challenging because life exists on the other side of the things we believe we cannot do. We can’t predict the future so why allow our fears to dictate to us what will happen before we even try. What if everything works out perfectly? One decision can change your entire life.

If you are looking for a sign to do something you have been dying to do. This is it.

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